Being Transitional Characters in our Marriage

What is a Transitional Character? According to Carlfred Broderick, a transitional character is "one who, in a single generation, changes the entire course of a lineage." He gives one noteworthy example of someone who was raised in an abusive home, who grows up to have children of their own and not let their past of abuse affect how they will raise their children. But rather they will raise their children in a safe, loving, non-abusive environment.

This inspired me to try something similar in my marriage with my husband. In no way was I raised in an abusive home. Actually, I like to think that I was very blessed while growing up; I like to think that my parents did a wonderful job raising their kids. However, no one is perfect. I know that there are habits that I unintentionally picked up from my parents that I do not want to carry on into my marriage; my husband would say the same about himself and his parents- I think almost anyone would. And that is where I want to be a transitional character with my husband.

One habit that I think affects marriages negatively is having unspoken expectations. When my husband comes home from school and I am trying to make dinner, dishes need to be washed, baby has a dirty diaper, and the front room is a mess, I might expect him (without verbally asking) to get to work. Instead, he might just start to play with our daughter, causing me to be upset because he simply did not do what I did not ask him to do- it’s ridiculous, I know.

This a habit that I think I have adopted from some of my family members. Now is this as extreme as the abuse example that Broderick gave? No. But I think this is a habit worthy of stopping because I could see it negatively affecting my marriage relationship and family. So my first goal as a transitional character is to eliminate unspoken expectations.