"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife."

In the Old Testament it specifically instructs a married man to let go of his parents and cleave to his wife. I am so grateful for this council.
My husband comes from a home with divorced parents. His father left when he was only a young boy. My husband and his mother grew to be very close and developed a strong bond. While my husband and I were dating, I could clearly see that he held a special place in his heart for his mother. He did many things for her that he had no obligation to do, just out of the kindness of his heart. I have to admit that I was a little jealous of their relationship. As we were engaged I was concerned that he would have a difficult time following the council stated in the Old Testament. I was concerned that he would put the needs of his mother before mine. As I brought these concerns to him, he reassured me that he knew very well my place and his mothers place once we were to be married.
I am very happy to say that my husband has "left his mother, and has cleaved unto his wife." And it has done nothing but strengthen our marriage.

Power

It is a stereotype among males that the husband "wears the pants" in the marriage. It is less common to find the wife being the controlling one in the relationship. Would you believe me if I said that there are other people who can hold the power of a marriage besides the husband or wife?

Think of this, a young girl always dreams of her wedding day, from the dress all the way down to the flavor of the cake. She grows older and falls in love with another man. The decide to get serious and "tie the knot". On the day of the wedding the mother of the bride is frantically running around making sure every detail is perfect. She hardly takes a moment to enjoy the actual wedding because she is concerned that her daughter's veil is positioned just right, the flowers are in their respective places, and the chicken is cooked to moist-perfection. As the bride and groom get into their car to take off for the Hawaii, the mother of the bride is crowding the couple, shouting reminders at them to, don't forget to wear sunscreen, to call and check-in with her when they arrive a the airport, prior to departure, and upon landing, etc.

A few months pass and the newlyweds are happily settled in to their new apartment, just across town from mom. Every once in a while they get in an argument; she wants a dog but he wants a truck, he wants a new sofa but she wants to paint the living room beige, and so on. When they get into these arguments, the wife always drives across town to mom's house. She tells mom all about the argument and every time mom sides with her and assures the daughter that her husband is wrong. The daughter drives back to their apartment and is set in her ways, thanks to her mother.

This is an example of a mother who has not let go of her daughter. In this situation, the mother-in-law has full control of the marriage. This is wrong.

In an article by miller he specifically says that parents no longer hold stewardship over their adult children once married. Children no longer look to their parents when making decisions, rather, husband and wife come together and agree on decisions without interference from parents.

We can all learn something from this. Whether you or your spouse "wear the pants" it is between you and your spouse. Let us not look outside our marriage during times of decision making. 

Faithfulness

One of the reasons two people decide to get married is because they love each other enough to make a vow to remain faithful to each other. It is such a beautiful thing to witness two people make the decision to come together as two individuals, to make a commitment to be completely faithful to each other and choose complete fidelity; to become one in marriage. I don't know of too many more beautiful things in this world.
That being said, I think because a faithful marriage is so beautiful, once one or both partners in a marriage become unfaithful and lose that fidelity, it is destructive. It is no secret that unfaithfulness can ruin a marriage. In fact, many marriages grow sour because a spouse chooses to break those promises that were made at the wedding.
In previous blog posts I have mentioned Goddard's book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. He brings may gospel principles into marriage and shows us how we can implement the Gospel of Jesus Christ more into our marriages. This is how he describes the order in which a spouse becomes unfaithful in marriage:
1. Behaviors that seem innocent.
2. An affection grows that claims part of ones heart.
3. Extramarital flirting. Justification- no harm intended.
4. Relationship declared as special.
These are the steps that happen between a someone that is married and someone of the opposite gender (that is not the spouse). These steps don't occur overnight. They happen one at a time, gradually. I think it is rare that one becomes unfaithful in one day. If two people make a conscious decision to marry and be faithful to one another, then there are baby steps that take away that fidelity.
So may we all be a little more careful around the opposite sex. May we strive a little more to be completely faithful to our spouse. May we better honor the promises we freely chose when we married.

Is communication actually the key?

When people are asked the question, "What is the key to a successful marriage?" I think nine times out of ten the answer that people give is: communication. A couple needs to exercise good communication in a marriage in order for it to succeed.
In previous blog posts I have mentioned Gottman and his book, the seven principles to a successful marriage.
He has done many close studies on marriage and why they succeed or fail. And he has a different answer to the question "What is the key to a successful marriage?"
In his book he talks about two types of problems in a marriage: solvable and perpetual. Every marriage has both kinds of problems. And he suggests one thing for a married couple to do when they reach a problem (be it solvable or perpetual). Go ahead and take a guess at what it is- I'll give you a hint, it's not effective communication. It's not even creating a shared meaning together. And it is not avoiding flooding during the conversation about the problem. Gottman says that when a problem arises, a couple needs to feel understood and accepted of their personality and perspective.
When we find ourselves in a conflict in our marriage, we often have a different perspective on something. And how it turns into a problem is when we don't take time to accept or understand our partners' perspective.
This is simply mutual respect. When there is respect in a marriage, when we respect our partner as an individual who is entitled to perspectives and opinions, then we will do so much better at resolving conflict in marriage.

Family Council

Every family is different. My husband comes from a family with a single mother and four brothers. I come from a family with both parents still happily married and three brothers and two sisters. We both grew up differently. We had different family rules, traditions, and expectations. And now we have made a promise to each other to share a life together, to be completely faithful to each other, and raise a family together. Coming from two different family backgrounds, how do we try to have the successful family we both want?
I think many couples face this same question either before having children, or in the early stages of parenthood. Well, I am glad to say that there is one answer for every family: the family council. Holding a family council will help any family in becoming successful.
The First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints holds similar councils. And they have a few suggestions that families can adopt into their own family councils.

• Set a regular time and place to hold family council
• Have an agenda with items and concerns that will be discussed during the council
• No final decision is made until it is agreed upon (I personally think this one only applies to the parents)
• Opening the council with a prayer- if your family is religious
• Providing a snack or refreshment will always be enjoyed :)  

These are a few great suggestions to incorporate into family councils to help them become successful.