Is communication actually the key?

When people are asked the question, "What is the key to a successful marriage?" I think nine times out of ten the answer that people give is: communication. A couple needs to exercise good communication in a marriage in order for it to succeed.
In previous blog posts I have mentioned Gottman and his book, the seven principles to a successful marriage.
He has done many close studies on marriage and why they succeed or fail. And he has a different answer to the question "What is the key to a successful marriage?"
In his book he talks about two types of problems in a marriage: solvable and perpetual. Every marriage has both kinds of problems. And he suggests one thing for a married couple to do when they reach a problem (be it solvable or perpetual). Go ahead and take a guess at what it is- I'll give you a hint, it's not effective communication. It's not even creating a shared meaning together. And it is not avoiding flooding during the conversation about the problem. Gottman says that when a problem arises, a couple needs to feel understood and accepted of their personality and perspective.
When we find ourselves in a conflict in our marriage, we often have a different perspective on something. And how it turns into a problem is when we don't take time to accept or understand our partners' perspective.
This is simply mutual respect. When there is respect in a marriage, when we respect our partner as an individual who is entitled to perspectives and opinions, then we will do so much better at resolving conflict in marriage.