In previous blog posts I have referenced John M. Gottman's book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. His seventh principle is to Create Shared Meaning. One thing he suggests doing to help create shared meaning in our marriages is to establish rituals, not only between husband and wife, but also as a family. He provides an exercise to complete to help come up with some rituals:
1. How do we or should we eat together at dinner? What is the meaning of dinnertime? What was dinnertime like in each of our families growing up?
2. How should we part at the beginning of each day? What was this like in our families growing up? How should our reunions be?
3. How should bedtime be? What was is like in our families growing up? How do we want this time to be?
4. What is the meaning of weekends? What were they like in our families growing up? What should they be like now?
5. What are our rituals about vacations? What were they like in our families growing up? What should they mean now?
6. Pick a meaningful holiday. What is the true meaning of this holiday to us? How should it be celebrated this year? How was is celebrated in each of our families growing up?
7. How do we each get refreshed and renewed? What is the meaning of these rituals?
8. What rituals do we have when someone is sick? What was this like in our families growing up? How should it be in our family?
Gottman suggests that, "creating informal rituals when you can connect emotionally is critical in a marriage." Considering his background and expertise on marriage relationships, I think I will follow his advice and create some rituals with Jake and my family.
A few rituals that we already have include eating dinner together, praying together as a family and then as a couple at night, attending church together, and planning trips to visit family throughout the year. To improve or add onto these rituals I think we will now also try to eat breakfast together, praying in the morning together, preparing for church together, and planning mini family vacations.
I think one thing that is most important about this concept is that we create rituals between husband and wife, as well as an entire family. This will create a stronger relationship between spouses and create a stronger-knit family.
1. How do we or should we eat together at dinner? What is the meaning of dinnertime? What was dinnertime like in each of our families growing up?
2. How should we part at the beginning of each day? What was this like in our families growing up? How should our reunions be?
3. How should bedtime be? What was is like in our families growing up? How do we want this time to be?
4. What is the meaning of weekends? What were they like in our families growing up? What should they be like now?
5. What are our rituals about vacations? What were they like in our families growing up? What should they mean now?
6. Pick a meaningful holiday. What is the true meaning of this holiday to us? How should it be celebrated this year? How was is celebrated in each of our families growing up?
7. How do we each get refreshed and renewed? What is the meaning of these rituals?
8. What rituals do we have when someone is sick? What was this like in our families growing up? How should it be in our family?
Gottman suggests that, "creating informal rituals when you can connect emotionally is critical in a marriage." Considering his background and expertise on marriage relationships, I think I will follow his advice and create some rituals with Jake and my family.
A few rituals that we already have include eating dinner together, praying together as a family and then as a couple at night, attending church together, and planning trips to visit family throughout the year. To improve or add onto these rituals I think we will now also try to eat breakfast together, praying in the morning together, preparing for church together, and planning mini family vacations.
I think one thing that is most important about this concept is that we create rituals between husband and wife, as well as an entire family. This will create a stronger relationship between spouses and create a stronger-knit family.
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